


Regrets? I got a few (thousands)

by koogeyamaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst?, M/M, Post-Break Up, Regrets, Sad, idk how to tag sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28480596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koogeyamaa/pseuds/koogeyamaa
Summary: If given the chance, Oikawa Tooru still would not change a thing.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	Regrets? I got a few (thousands)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost of a ficlet I write on my [twitter,](https://twitter.com/koogeyamaa/status/1315552763665764352?s=20). Enjoy!

“I’m done, Oikawa-san. I’m done hurting myself trying to fix you. The truth is, you can never be happy with me because you don’t like seeing me happy. Is that love, oikawa-san? No. It’s not. Do I regret loving you? No. But I will hate myself more if I stay. Goodbye, Oikawa-san.” Those words haunted Oikawa’s dreams. Those tear-filled eyes, shaky and wobbled voice imbued with so much _hurt._

No. Oikawa Tooru was not in the wrong this time.

Kageyama Tobio is going to regret leaving him. How could he do this? Wasn’t he supposed to love him? What is this bullshit about regrets?

Except, when Tooru laid awake at night, he remembered. He remembered Tobio trying to comfort him during one of his episodes of insecurities. He remembered lashing out at Tobio, screaming himself hoarse ordering the boy to leave. He remembered how Tobio’s body shook with fear.

His thought flew to the memory of when Tobio had caught him cheating on him right in front of his eyes. He remembered those soft gasps tainted with pain when Tobio was forced to see him kiss another girl.

To prove that he was not gay. That Oikawa Tooru is still attracted to women. He watched himself break Tobio’s heart just to protect himself, to conform to his needs to be accepted. To not be shunned. 

He remembered when he refused to acknowledge Tobio as his lover even in front of Iwaizumi.

His mind brought him to the scene where he refused to watch his then-lover’s match due to his jealousy? To the mounting insecurities buried deep within his heart. Making him unable to see Tobio’s achievement without the sharp claws of resentment digging in deep into his bones. He remembered the nights where Tobio would come home with a tired smile that would immediately vanish when Tobio saw his expression, where he would punish his lover by giving him the cold shoulder.

He loved Tobio, he did. But he can’t help the ugly monster of jealousy that reared their head whenever he saw Tobio excelled in the single one thing that Oikawa is good at.

Regrets.

Oikawa had a lot of regrets. If given the chance, he would never do what he did. He would love Tobio the way he deserves to be loved. Cherished him. He would watch all those damn matches while wearing Tobio’s jersey. He’d go to lunch with Karasuno people, just for Tobio.

But even then... Oikawa could not bring himself to change their fate in this universe. It is a good thing that Tobio left him. It is good that Tobio loves himself more than Oikawa ever could.

If this goodbye brings Tobio more happiness, then who is Oikawa to get in his way?

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [twitter,](https://twitter.com/koogeyamaa) I promise I don't bite!


End file.
